The over emphasis on feelings just really bothers me. At the core, this school of parenting seems to say, “your kid’s feelings matter. They matter so much you should devote most of your energy to them. In fact they’re so important, YOUR feelings don’t matter. Nor does anyone else’s.”
My mom friends and I were discussing our 3 yo’s lately. It seems they’ve all been hard lately! One mom friend said “I try to let her know that all feelings are acceptable. So screaming is fine. Hitting is not.” She is pregnant with her second child due early next year. I have two younger kids, the youngest is currently 3 months. And I had to bite my tongue in order to hold back from saying: “screaming is FINE? Is it? In what world? Maybe being screamed at, you could argue, is what I deserve for procreating at all. But do my other children deserve this ear shattering noise? How about no, they don’t deserve to be screamed at, and neither do I. And I am well within my rights to tell her to be quiet and express her feelings- QUIETLY?”
(As well as gentle parenting blogs, all of whom say things like “it’s normal and healthy and age appropriate to scream”. Some of them even strongly encourage us to just let them scream. Yes. I accept all that. It may be normal and healthy for 3 yo’s to scream. Is it normal and healthy for people who have to listen to it? They don’t say. Presumably because the real answer is: You don’t matter because you’re not 3. So swallow your feelings. )
I really wonder how fine she will think screaming is once she has her second child. She may think her own hearing doesn’t matter, but will she feel the same with a newborn in the room?
This is how I feel when I watch Bluey occasionally with my son (will have to find a new show)! The parents are wayyy indulgent towards annoying and selfish behavior, which is probably an indicator of a broader trend.
The over emphasis on feelings just really bothers me. At the core, this school of parenting seems to say, “your kid’s feelings matter. They matter so much you should devote most of your energy to them. In fact they’re so important, YOUR feelings don’t matter. Nor does anyone else’s.”
My mom friends and I were discussing our 3 yo’s lately. It seems they’ve all been hard lately! One mom friend said “I try to let her know that all feelings are acceptable. So screaming is fine. Hitting is not.” She is pregnant with her second child due early next year. I have two younger kids, the youngest is currently 3 months. And I had to bite my tongue in order to hold back from saying: “screaming is FINE? Is it? In what world? Maybe being screamed at, you could argue, is what I deserve for procreating at all. But do my other children deserve this ear shattering noise? How about no, they don’t deserve to be screamed at, and neither do I. And I am well within my rights to tell her to be quiet and express her feelings- QUIETLY?”
(As well as gentle parenting blogs, all of whom say things like “it’s normal and healthy and age appropriate to scream”. Some of them even strongly encourage us to just let them scream. Yes. I accept all that. It may be normal and healthy for 3 yo’s to scream. Is it normal and healthy for people who have to listen to it? They don’t say. Presumably because the real answer is: You don’t matter because you’re not 3. So swallow your feelings. )
I really wonder how fine she will think screaming is once she has her second child. She may think her own hearing doesn’t matter, but will she feel the same with a newborn in the room?
Really enjoyed this, I love that you get to the history here.
This is how I feel when I watch Bluey occasionally with my son (will have to find a new show)! The parents are wayyy indulgent towards annoying and selfish behavior, which is probably an indicator of a broader trend.
Funny that you bring that up! There was a piece over at The Blaze about exactly this… it held that it’s a problem the dad is indulgent, but indulgence is OK for moms, and even the core of what makes mothers different from fathers. No! I responded: https://www.theblaze.com/align/bluey-s-dad-isn-t-so-bad-and-moms-can-be-overly-nurturing-too